1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was
Sir Cumference. He Acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and
got a little behind in His work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and
was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here;
I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to
ask how he was, a nurse Said ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned Veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.
In feudalism it’s your Count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.
24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!